so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
