3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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