i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
