pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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