Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
