Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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