with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
