When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
