I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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