People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
