she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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