i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
