I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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