$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
