How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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