My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
