Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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