Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well you can't waste a boner
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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