So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
