my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize