just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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