I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize