if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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