nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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