So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
