Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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