dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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