WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
