I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
