You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
