thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize