Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
