I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
