that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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