I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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