She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
