bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
