You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
