Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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