Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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