I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
