How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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