The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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