I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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