I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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