she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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