We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
