the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
