Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
