Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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