I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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