I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
