??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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