my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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