i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
