oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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