you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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