You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
