I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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