The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize