I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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