I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
