just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
