I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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