Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
