i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hello my rib-scented angel!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize