You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
