it hurts more in the daytime
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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