Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
