My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
