Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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