I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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